* Jaya Bachchan sewing clothes a la Nirupa Roy in the dead of night to keep 'ghar-ka-chulha' running for her family of four.

*  Anupam Kher regretting not having a son when he himself hardly acts as a man of the house

*  Rani leaving her studies and well, doing noting actually, to make sure that her sister Konkana ends up studying (something on Income Tax Act followed by an MBA which leads her to being an advertisement company executive and overnight turning out to be the face of a 'quintessential woman)

* A lecherous Call Center CEO types promising a job to Rani in exchange of sexual favors

* Abhishek and Rani getting nostalgic about 'samosas' and 'kachoris' and 'mitti-ki-khushboo' and 'ganga-ki-lehren' etc. etc. in Switzerland

* Kunal Kapoor being a compulsive ill mannered eater with zero table manners who lets the mayonnaise put all the 'daag' on his 'chunari', oops, his T-Shirt

* Rani saying no to Abhishek when he proposes marriage because she believes that her 'chunari' has a 'daag'

* Abhishek turning around and says he had already figured out the 'stain' long time back

* And finally Abhishek says that he earlier 'loved' her and now 'respected her for what she was. Gaawwd!

If such highly interesting and terribly exciting facts like this from 'Laaga Chunari Mein Daag' make you go all out to buy a ticket for the next possible show in your neighborhood multiplex, then this Pradeep Sarkar's magnum opus is right there waiting for you.

Outdated, clichéd, contrived - one is short of words to describe this two and a half hour film which makes one look forward to the watch every 30 minutes in the hope that LCMD would come to an end soon.

First five minutes are perky enough as the two sisters Rani and Konjana takes the viewer through 'banaras ghat's and sing praises about the happy land they stay in.
But soon after begins sob stories about 'ghar-ki-mazboori', wicked 'chacha', wickeder 'chachera bhaiyya', lack of funds, incomplete studies, unpaid loans etc. etc. etc.

Yawn, yawn and more yawn!

One looks forward every 10 minutes to see something good happening but nothing really happens. Scenes like pink lingerie popping out of a production assistant (Tarina) from Mumbai, a vintage 'kothewaali' [Hema Malini] still surviving a living by performing 'mujras', a tiff at the Electricity Board office - scenes like these keep popping on the frames for no rhyme or reason.

Ok, so finally Rani packs bags and steps into Mumbai. Thankfully there is no molestation happening on the street (one half expected it but then Rani chose to live with an irritating Tarina who overacts to the hilt and makes one hate her more than the Call Center CEO) guy.

Finally the twist comes and well, this is the BIGGEST ever twist that one may have seen in a Bollywood flick for a long long time. It so happens that a model type female [Suchitra Pillai] plans out a career route for Rani. Now hold your breath as no placement agency would have put so much detailing for building a career for any of their clients, the way Suchitra does!

And this is how the order list looks - Get the best high heel shoes, huge fluorescent colored shades that allow only the lips to be revealed, fish net stockings, artificial jewel belts, deep neck tops! Aah, you figured it out. This is what you call the 'Making of a Call Girl'. Actually correction - 'Making of a High Class Escort'.

"Tum Exclusive ho, aur tum apna client aur daam khud decide karogi. Log Tumhaare Ishare Pe Naachenge", says Suchitra. The small town girl remembers Hema Malini for a moment and nods like a school girl being taken for a joy ride!

I mean what's happening? Suchitra herself seems to be pretty well settled and her profession hardly seems to be indicative of her being a Escort Placement Agency Boss while Rani too seems game for a transformation. Ok, so she does drops a tear while in the act to indicate that she still hasn't allowed a 'daag on her 'soul'!

Well, this is not all. Now Abhishek Bachcan is introduced, no sparks fly, Konkana comes to live with her own 'didi', finds out truth, starts respecting her more (Didi, Hum Aapke Doshi Hain etc. etc. etc.), Abhishek further proposes, the 'chunari' goes to the loundry and 'saare daag gayab'! And by the way, if you cut out Abhishek's two songs, his screen time is marginally over that in 'Shootout At Lokhandwala'.

Guess what, while writing this review, it is difficult to get into any further elaboration about how the film is. You would anyways have figured it out by now! And if you still want to watch a social film about a small time girl turned prostitute and getting social acceptance courtesy a Knight in a Shining Armor, go watch Neha Dhupia's JULIE!